Written by Maisa Salum-Kilaly
There are 3 sides to every person.
The initial side is the person that is recognised by the people around us. This side is one that everyone is conscious of.
The second side is the person that you are at home. This side is known by close friends and family.
The final side is the person that you are only aware of. This is the side that pertains exclusivity because no one knows about this side but yourself.
Out of all those sides I personally believe the most significant one is the third side because it is a representation of you in your rawest and most real form, however, I am entirely aware that there can be confusion when it comes to defining who you really are as well as the challenges that come with trying to own your personal identity.
Allowing a person’s judgement or criticism to define you showcases insecurity, we cannot let the opinions of others dictate our lives, consuming the opinion of other's is detrimental to our well-being because it hinders our ability to transcend into our truest form. Inevitably people will always scrutinize the things you do or say, how you conduct yourself, your fashion choices, or the decisions you choose to make but consider the fact that none of these opinions has been authenticated, most time these thoughts come from a negative place and the only purpose they serve is to harm and hurt you. There is no use in trying to conform to what other people think you “should” be like since you’ll end up enslaving yourself to the wants and needs of others, and oppress your own desires to fit an ideal that is not moulded for you.
We only live one life and that should be on our own terms, the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to please other people as you will find that your personality will vanish, you will start questioning your own judgement, and will always feel like you can’t be yourself. Unfortunately, this leads to putting on a façade but we can contest against that by disclosing our true nature, there’s nothing more powerful than owning your individuality, especially when we live in a society with an expectation of following the masses.
An uncontrollable fact is that human beings are categorised differently through extensive factors such as shapes, sizes, colours and genetics, talents and weaknesses, different nationalities, cultures, customs, religions and traditions, as well as varying social classes. We are born to be wholly unique through individual characteristics that outline who we are. Individualism is integral to society because it is a driving force that influences change and evolution, this paves the way for innovations and progressions in culture and society, abstaining from trying to be different, or standing out can deter you from finding yourself and making an investment in crafting your individuality since it is a valuable trait. Who knows? Your aptitude to think outside of the box or boldness to make a statement creatively or conventionally can influence the world.
We must all strive to be the best versions of ourselves and one of the ways that help eliminate this is people-pleasing, you are slowly killing yourself when you have held the role of the people-pleaser and you’ll find yourself being taken advantage of, the best thing you can do is put yourself first and become selfish. People-pleasing conceals the real you because it forfeits your sense of self, by developing your personal identity you are giving greater recognition to your uniqueness, values, body image, personality, character, relations with other people, job or career, and personal goals. This should continue to evolve throughout your lifetime and you have every right to change whether it be the way you think about the world or the people around, or the person you are becoming.
You will find people in this world that will approve of you and your decisions which are great. On the other hand, other people will disapprove, putting you in a troubled mood, the truth of the matter is… you will feel free when you don’t care about the opinions of others. Mental freedom means abstaining from being someone that you are not, stops you from experiencing unhappiness and pushes you to meet people that will love you for being you.
I hate seeing ladies compete with one another because I feel like we are putting ourselves in boxes and are forgetting about our individualism. Competing with others sets boundaries because you will be setting a benchmark and that halts your chances of realising your own potential. Compete with yourself and aid your self-improvement, unknowingly you will be strengthening yourself, enhancing your confidence and challenging yourself to take on any task you please. I pray we all make it - the most influential and effective tool for progression is the empowerment of women.
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