BY ELLIE CONSTANTINOU
Throughout life there are so many things that shape
the person we become, from our environment and circumstances to the trials we
are placed in. Our circle of friends is one thing that changes throughout our
lives, yet plays a huge part in influencing our personal development, no matter
our age. The power of a stable, positive and supportive ‘tribe’ can’t be
underestimated and it’s essential in establishing an idea of the person you
want to become.
When we were children and teenagers, our friends were
more or less chosen for us, whether they were the kids of our parents’ friends,
our classmates, or friends of friends. As we grow up, and are given
opportunities to actively choose who it is we want to invest our time in, we realise
we have some big decisions to make. Naturally, we believe that we have
loyalties to those that we ‘owe’ our friendship to, or those that we’ve known
for years and couldn't possibly imagine cutting off. Never forget that your
time is precious and there’s only so much of yourself that you can pour out
into others.
Your group, or ‘tribe’, is something that so many
CEO’s, professionals and success stories identify as a key component in living
a desirable life. A group of individuals with a similar mindset, of growth,
support and accountability. Jim Rohn once said “You are the average of the
five people you spend the most time with” and I’ve come to understand this
as a description of not only our personality as being made up of the people we
surround ourselves with, but also our identity and sense of belonging. If
someone needed to truly understand more about you or your values, your
friendship group would definitely tell them more than your job description
would.
Through times of vulnerability, self-doubt and bad
decisions, the people around you should be the ones you can turn to, without
feeling that you might be burdening them with your problems. Social support is
one of the biggest drivers towards success and happiness, and your friends
should be pushing you to be smarter, stronger and sharper in your decisions and
actions. This is essential for personal development and self growth as they
provide you with guidance, constructive criticism and most importantly a fresh
pair of eyes. This happens across every aspect of your life, no matter how
small! The same friends that help me make big life decisions are also the ones
that help me choose the outfit I’m going to wear out on a Saturday night.
These friends, the ones that make up a great tribe,
are those that are uplifting rather than draining, celebrate your successes as
if they were their own, and view your lives as a collaboration rather than a
competition.
So what happens when your tribe fails to do these
things? If you find
yourself going to your friends with your problems only to be met with mediocre
advice or the feeling of guilt for sharing your worries with them. The answer
is simply that you should cut them off. As scary as that might sound, I’m a
personal testimony that getting rid of toxic friends and negative energy only
makes room for the right people to come along. Keeping the right people around
you is an act of self-love and allows you to understand your worth.
And what if you haven't found your tribe? Although tribe generally means a group of
people, there are thousands of people, including myself, that have bonds with
other individuals as well as or sometimes instead of with groups. These people
are ride-or-die kind of friends, exactly the kind of tribe we need in our
lives, yet they’re just not part of a group and the friendship is instead on a
one-to-one basis. These friendships are often essential in giving an outsider’s
perspective as it is often easy to become consumed by what’s going on within a group,
especially if all of your views are more or less the same.
On the other hand, some people just haven't been exposed to their tribe
just yet. There are hundreds of opportunities to find the right people that you
connect with and understand on a deeper level, whether it be at university, at
the workplace or even the parents of your children’s friends when the time
comes. The amazing thing about finding your tribe is that it can happen at any
time, with anyone, because it won’t require any kind of force or planning. You
will naturally find yourself gravitating towards and wanting to spend time with
certain individuals, because of the great way that they make you feel, the
insight they can provide and the light that they can shine on a number of
aspects throughout your life.
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