By Kayla Sprague
What you are feeling is valid
You should never allow anyone else's assumptions or arguments alter or affect what you are feeling. Weather this be an argument, a breakup or distancing yourself from a friendship, none of these situations are easy. You are allowed to express how you are feeling and should not be made to feel guilty.
You are allowed to edit your life
You are allotted only a brief amount of time on this earth. If you’re lucky, aside from school, work and errands, you may have some spare time. Who you want to spend time with is entirely up to you. That means surrounding yourself with people that make you feel fulfilled and happy. You are not obligated to give yourself to someone who is not positively contributing to who you are or who you are trying to become.
There is no right or wrong way to heal
How you choose to handle a situation changes as one ages. When you're younger, you may have cheated, lied, avoided confrontation, or an unhealthy cocktail of all three. How any one person chooses to process information is different, no one has the same fight or flight reflex. No one can say that you are wrong for how you are healing because despite what you've been taught about grudges, there is a time and a place. Our minds are trying to protect us and as you grow, your armor grows with you. The amount of time you are using is not up to anyone else, and you are not wrong for how you use it.
Healing doesn't always mean forgiving
“Forgive and forget” is a phrase that should be tossed out of your vocabulary. There is such a thing as an unforgivable act. Sleeping with your friend, lying to your face, or something just shy of legal: do not compromise yourself. You are entitled to take a stand firmly in what you believe. Do not gauge your healing on someone else's ability to forgive, forget and move on. No one has the same experiences that you do.
Allow yourself room to grow
You have to weed the garden to make room for flowers to bloom. Toxic people flow in and out of our lives. It's not always as simple as deleting a number, it could mean recurring conversations justifying yourself. But at the end of the day, you need to be proud of yourself and everyone you surround yourself with. Heal for your own good and your own growth, no one else's.
Be honest
Healing can be ugly. It can mean you face the realities of your relationship. It can mean blood isn't thicker than water. But no matter what you're feeling along the journey that is healing, be honest. Scan yourself and find where you are. Don't brush off anything with “it's fine.” Feel what you are feeling so it can pass. Be honest about where this puts you in the future
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