BY NICOLA HARE
Interesting isn’t
it: that we no longer live in a time where our greatest aspiration is marriage
and yet we allow relationships, whether good or bad, to define us as women.
As young women in
our twenties; I do encourage relationships because this is our time to figure
out what we like and dislike, it is time to know of the boundaries of
relationships, the traits we admire in men, the compromises we are willing to
make and so forth. So, I think you should date the cool boys, the introvert,
the quirky and if you want, the bad boys – these are the years to figure out
the kind of man we want to marry. What you must not allow is for relationships
to be all you have to show for your 20s.
Our twenties are
the most pivotal time of our lives when it comes to building the foundations of
our futures, this is not just in regards to relationships but also careers, our
betterment and our final goals in life. All that we do in these coming years
are essential to our success and our livelihoods and though terrifying,
it’s important to understand what a crucial and defining decade this is,
understand that your time is valuable because it is true what they say: time
waits for no one.
There is a lot of
pressure surrounding the concept of ‘growing up’ and trying to figure out what we would
want to do for the rest of our lives. What we fail to realise is that each day,
each moment and each decision in our twenties is the weaving of what will
become our futures. I do not wish to deter you from relationships, what I hope
to do is encourage you to think beyond being a person’s wife or partner. You
are intelligent and you have ambitions and you are deserving of your own
success and this is our time to do it, you do not need a relationship.
I think that as
women, we’re unintentionally raised to aspire to having a person beside us and
I’m not here to advocate for a career driven life, I honestly hope that even I
can find the balance between the two. However, we are not told enough, as
women, that we can be greater than somebody else’s partner. I’m blessed enough
to have a strong mother and amazing friends that encourage me to aspire for
greatness beyond relationships but this isn’t always the case and it’s very easy to become consumed
in being with people and in turn, losing yourself. We need to find strength in
choosing ourselves and aspiring to be amazing women that aren’t limited because
they do not have a man at their side.
This is the time
to figure out what we want for ourselves because we do not want to wake up a
few years into what the rest of our lives will be, thinking of all the
experiences and jobs that we could’ve had. Be focused and purposeful, make
every day count, hustle and grind because you need to be secure in yourself
before you attach yourself to another person. Value your time and be careful of
the person you choose to give your time to because your time is precious.
Every moment in
our 20s should be about bettering ourselves and attaching ourselves to
relationships for the sake of having relationships becomes a waste of time.
Failing to let go because of the fear of being alone is a waste of time.
Entertaining men that do not see your worth is a waste of time. Allowing a
relationship to define who you are instead of actively creating your own
narrative is a waste of time. Relationships will come and go and that is not
necessarily in your control. What is in your control however, is your life,
your future and your career. There will be no one but yourself to blame for
choosing a man that saw you only as a means to an end whilst you made him the
end in itself.
Do not search for
your future in a man, figure out your own dream and make it happen. Your
husband is supposed to be your partner and not your provider.
Pursue your degree
with all you have, hustle for that promotion, travel and read books, become
knowledgeable of the world. We must understand the importance of bettering
ourselves before we can attach ourselves to somebody else. Learn and grow to
love yourself and be comfortable in yourself so that you are not questioning
your worth in relation to a man’s thoughts of you. Use this time to create the
best version of yourself and not a person that is suited for a man. Create your
future and I assure you that the man that is for you, will not pass you by.
So, with all that
being said, I leave you with this:
“Twenty is for you. Twenty is for growth.
Twenty is for the pursuit of a tomorrow that is better than today. Twenty is
for options, twenty is for passion and knowledge and enjoyment. It is not for
continuous compromise, it is not a time to say: this is the guy that I’ve got
to make it with because this is the guy I have. Twenty is for firing dudes when
they don’t act right.”
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