By Kayla Sprague
“It takes years, as a woman, to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.” - Amy Poehler
Since we are young, girls are always taught to be quiet, accommodating, and small. We are dressed in clothes for fashion over function. We are adorable when we're angry.
There are certain characteristics that we all have because they are given to us. This burden is carried from relationship, to relationship, to the workplace. Not being able to stand up for ourselves without feeling out of place. We are victims of an ideology that was repeated at us until it surrounded our own unique personalities.
I would love to think that each and every female has an ah-ha moment. A moment of clarity when it just doesn't make sense to continue this way. Mine was when I was 19, I said “God, I'm so stupid!” And this man stopped in his tracks : Do not talk about yourself that way. I wouldn't let anyone else and I'm not going to let you. So simple and honest. (Spoiler: we’re engaged)
This moment was a pivot. Where had I learned that being ditzy was endearing? Why did I think being intelligent was intimidating?
I began really listening to myself. I paid close attention to the conversations I normally wouldn't participate in. I wasn't sitting back to allow others to fill the space, I was sitting back to not take up space. This is a learned behavior.
Let's all take a deep breath and learn something together.
Take up space. Know your worth.
There is never an opportunity that calls for you to minimize who you are because along this life you've been told otherwise. I'm sure we could trace back that first time each of us was told that cursing isn't becoming, or that it's not attractive to be so loud.
Our personalities are all different and that is something to celebrate. No relationship, friendship or otherwise should dull any part of what makes you, you.
Now enter in the boss battle: the workplace.
Ah yes, you've found your passion, your calling. The only industry that is female dominated is beauty (skincare/cosmetics/etc). So what we have is what I like to call The Crossover.
(I would dull my uniqueness around men to seem more worthy) + (I don't want to come across as emotional/bitchy/needy just because I'm a woman) = The Crossover
This is the perfect storm where your fears of being taken seriously and having the ability to speak up socially is now over shadowed (historically) by the male dominated industry you very well may end up in.
We have been groomed from such a young age that being perceived as delicate and fragile is a good thing. After years of reprogramming, speaking your peace and being your own advocate, this is our boss battle.
Being positioned as the most fragile creature in any room does not suit well for many reasons. It is in our best interest to be loud. Be stern. Be vocal. Not everyone will like it. Not everyone will like you. Position yourself aligned with coworkers, not below or no different. It's an up hill battle but if we all make the pack to know our worth and lift other woman up, there could be an end in sight.
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